Some things are hard for me to watch. I'm not just talking about really hard things, like the loss of life, or health, or station. I'm talking about other less hard things, put yet personal--personal in that they open the door to envy, hate, regret, malice, fear, frustration, and other non-Christian thoughts. Like someone I love having the success that I want for me, or my children/family--that I don't have. Or seeing someone enjoy a comfort or luxury that is not mine. The latest: technology that can preserve children's memories that came out after our children were not infants, and then also at a time when we couldn't afford it, like digital cams--or better yet, iPhone 4s. Is it petty? Perhaps. What about watching others take incredible vacations, buy fun family toys, have rewarding and well compensated careers, or recreate in exciting ways. (I know I definitely have a money hang-up.) What I can't dwell on is the emotions that these observations illicit. When envy rears it's ugly head, I pray that I can love this person and celebrate their successes as I hope they would mine. And take a moment to reflect on my blessings--there are many. And also trust God, and the process of life, that all things testify of Him and all things are for good. And no one will die from the things I envy--yet someone(s) life my be ruined (especially my own) by my inability to let go of feelings that don't bring peace to my life.
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I let go, and let God. In the mantra, nothing is hard to watch.
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