Some things are hard for me to watch. I'm not just talking about really hard things, like the loss of life, or health, or station. I'm talking about other less hard things, put yet personal--personal in that they open the door to envy, hate, regret, malice, fear, frustration, and other non-Christian thoughts. Like someone I love having the success that I want for me, or my children/family--that I don't have. Or seeing someone enjoy a comfort or luxury that is not mine. The latest: technology that can preserve children's memories that came out after our children were not infants, and then also at a time when we couldn't afford it, like digital cams--or better yet, iPhone 4s. Is it petty? Perhaps. What about watching others take incredible vacations, buy fun family toys, have rewarding and well compensated careers, or recreate in exciting ways. (I know I definitely have a money hang-up.) What I can't dwell on is the emotions that these observations illicit. When envy rears it's ugly head, I pray that I can love this person and celebrate their successes as I hope they would mine. And take a moment to reflect on my blessings--there are many. And also trust God, and the process of life, that all things testify of Him and all things are for good. And no one will die from the things I envy--yet someone(s) life my be ruined (especially my own) by my inability to let go of feelings that don't bring peace to my life.
* * *
I let go, and let God. In the mantra, nothing is hard to watch.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
The Dance and Routine of Life
How does Jesus see us? How can I see others the way Jesus sees them? With patience and forgiveness I suppose--and a generous dose of grace and love.
Today was the quietest, smoothest running morning in ages. I recognize that this is busy time of life, that it will continue to get busier and more complicated, but for one moment this morning (and now in reflection during this short lunch break), I'm able to reflect that I trust the process of life and I praise the name of Jesus Christ who makes peace and heaven on Earth possible.
When life disappoints, children scream, family make confusing choices, and apathy begins to creep in I have found peace in the routine and lessons of life.
I told my dad that we are in the "Groundhog Day" of life--a recognition of the movie not the holiday. It's Groundhog Day because Monday-Friday we have the same routine, papers need filing, homework needs to be done, prayers need to be said, meals need to be made, laundry needs to be cleaned, toilets need to be scrubbed, scriptures need to be read: the same discussions, the same challenges. Saturday the same lawn needs mowing, the same Zumba class needs attending, and church lessons need preparing, and some vacuuming and dusting as well. But as the routine becomes routine, it moves into the background and into the foreground moves teaching moments, smiles, ah-ha moments, accomplishments, overcoming tough situations, learning to make and keep peace, to control thoughts/emotions/impulses, to seek for peace through Christ's infinite atonement.
And in the routine of daily life, I look across the room and my amazing husband and observe the precious dance that we've created over the course of (almost) 12 years. When we seamlessly move between parenting, cleaning, cooking, and loving (and forgiving). Where one stops the other takes over. Each of us giving more than 100% and stopping during precious quiet moments to steal a kiss, say thank you, and tell the other how much in love we are.
In these precious moments, I think... I can do this routine for another 10 years. In the next 10 years, the kids will be gone and we will move on to the next stage of life. A stage of celebration: celebrating that the stress didn't kill our marriage, nor did it kill a child (or us, for that matter!).
What I hope is that no one observes the dance we've created over 12 (not always easy) years and wonders why their life/marriage doesn't work like ours--like I did when I looked and peaceful couples (much more seasoned at life than I) when we were young marrieds. Trust in the process, and look to Christ for peace in the process.
This life is incredibly short, and I'm grateful for routine and quiet moments to reflect and learn how to love others as Jesus does. And to love life, because it is in this life that Jesus gave us that I am learning to be more like Him.
Today was the quietest, smoothest running morning in ages. I recognize that this is busy time of life, that it will continue to get busier and more complicated, but for one moment this morning (and now in reflection during this short lunch break), I'm able to reflect that I trust the process of life and I praise the name of Jesus Christ who makes peace and heaven on Earth possible.
When life disappoints, children scream, family make confusing choices, and apathy begins to creep in I have found peace in the routine and lessons of life.
I told my dad that we are in the "Groundhog Day" of life--a recognition of the movie not the holiday. It's Groundhog Day because Monday-Friday we have the same routine, papers need filing, homework needs to be done, prayers need to be said, meals need to be made, laundry needs to be cleaned, toilets need to be scrubbed, scriptures need to be read: the same discussions, the same challenges. Saturday the same lawn needs mowing, the same Zumba class needs attending, and church lessons need preparing, and some vacuuming and dusting as well. But as the routine becomes routine, it moves into the background and into the foreground moves teaching moments, smiles, ah-ha moments, accomplishments, overcoming tough situations, learning to make and keep peace, to control thoughts/emotions/impulses, to seek for peace through Christ's infinite atonement.
And in the routine of daily life, I look across the room and my amazing husband and observe the precious dance that we've created over the course of (almost) 12 years. When we seamlessly move between parenting, cleaning, cooking, and loving (and forgiving). Where one stops the other takes over. Each of us giving more than 100% and stopping during precious quiet moments to steal a kiss, say thank you, and tell the other how much in love we are.
In these precious moments, I think... I can do this routine for another 10 years. In the next 10 years, the kids will be gone and we will move on to the next stage of life. A stage of celebration: celebrating that the stress didn't kill our marriage, nor did it kill a child (or us, for that matter!).
What I hope is that no one observes the dance we've created over 12 (not always easy) years and wonders why their life/marriage doesn't work like ours--like I did when I looked and peaceful couples (much more seasoned at life than I) when we were young marrieds. Trust in the process, and look to Christ for peace in the process.
This life is incredibly short, and I'm grateful for routine and quiet moments to reflect and learn how to love others as Jesus does. And to love life, because it is in this life that Jesus gave us that I am learning to be more like Him.
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